My Favorite Jokes for Nerds

Here I am listing down few of my favorite Science or Technology related jokes. Any person into Science, Math or Computers should be able to get them at least few some of them. So here it is:

Q. Why did the decimal win the case?
A. Because he made a good point.

 

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?
A. Why are you so pointless.

 

Q. Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
A. To get to the same side.

 

Q. Where did the bad triangle go?
A. To the PRISM.

 

A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender: how much for a drink?
The bartender says: for you Sir!!! no charge.

 

Q. What is the best thing about TCP jokes?
A. I will keep sending until you get them.

 

Math jokes never work on me.
I have trouble differentiating them.

 

Math jokes never work on me.
They are not an integral part of my life.

 

Four SQL guys walk into a bar but came out quickly. Why???
Because they couldn’t find a table.

 

Q. Why did the shapes disappear?
A. Because they were polygons.

 

That is it for now; hope everyone enjoyed them.

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Why I Hate Software Developers

Being a Software Developer I know how slow and counter productive developers get with time. Its not that we don’t get time to meet the deadline(although exceptions are always there), it is just our thought of thinking ourselves as highly efficient and over qualified.
We always hate testers since they put us back to work and make us clean up our own mess. But it is just their job to put developers on job and guide the software development on a right path. Sometimes I feel, it is the testers who put the developers on the right track.
But wait, sometimes even testers get lazy too. The code in alpha and pre releases gets their nod to be released but when the code is in production suddenly some tester would raise a finger on a very trivial issue that should have been found during the pre release stage.
This time I as a developer think how stupid and lazy the tester was for not to find this trivial bug, but eventually this thought comes back to me as a boomerang asking why on earth did the developer not notice such a blunder. At this time I feel serious identity crisis for myself.

 

The Dream:

There is a saying “Good developers write their own code, but the best developers utilize already written code“. Now having said that I must admit, almost every coder has a dream to right the code from scratch and never wants to manage and clean up someone’s mess.
Apparently very few lucky ones get that chance, rest of us have to cope up with the situation. The situation gets even worse when the code has already been changed by more than four or five different people. The person currently working on the code has to somehow understand and manage the coding styles and thinking of coders before him.
The best thing is that the current developer will surely manage to get the code working. This situation remains almost every time the developers change their jobs. There is a worst thing about this: no manager will let you get away with this silly argument, even though they themselves understand the situation very well.

 

What exactly did you do? This is just a minor change; This is a general question asked by several managers. The problem gets worse if the change is related to UI. The developer has to take care of several others elements nearby to move one simple button from left to right. In the outcome(from a user’s or manager’s perspective) it is just a re-positioning of a button, but it is the developer who knows the pain behind it.
Yes it is true that a good coding practice can reduce the amount of work, but don’t forget that the code has already been modified by several other developers who are not in the project any more, so the current person in the developer’s cap has to bear it.

 

Despite of all these things and situations we somehow learn to “MANAGE” and not to break any existing functionalities of the software. With time we get mature and acquire better skill sets to provide better solutions to problems and sometimes you get appreciations too for that. This little piece of appreciation helps developers a lot to again start thinking themselves as a better creatures, hence the cycle of fall and rise continues. We don’t get out of it and that’s why I hate software developers or more specifically myself.

And May Be We Need New Numbers

numbers

I remember the discussion I had last month with my college seniors about what we all mean by being or making something perfect. I was told that there exists nothing like perfect. Its not possible to make nearly anything perfect and its all about the point of view of someone towards something or someone. I made a counter argument saying, what if I decide to earn 100 rupee in next ten days and on the evening of the tenth day I count my collection and it turns out to be exactly 100 rupee,will my statement and the effort I made be not counted as perfect!. Then I had  believe that this argument of mine was also not perfect since it was just according to my point of view. May be there was some other way of making 100 rupee with less effort than I had made in these 10 days. After some more discussion one of my seniors said perfection is like the speed at which the light travels and had to rest my case since in the physical world there is nothing that travels at this speed.

When I came back to my room, my mind was still occupied by all those thoughts and arguments we just had. Suddenly one thing struck into my mind, wait they said there exists nothing like perfection at least in this physical and observable universe, but they also said, perfection is like the speed at which light travels, Tadaa!!! I win . They accepted there is at least one thing which is perfect: “The Speed of Light“. Might be that there is something which can travel fast enough to beat the light.Why not! Truly possible, its just that we have not figured it out yet.But at the moment I can think myself the winner.

 

Now, how does the above talk relates to numbers. Well! recently I have been reading about mathematics especially numbers in books and on the web too. I always thought the maths is all about perfection. If I say “This is one apple“, for instance, the number 1 can exactly represent one apple, no less and no more than one. As I read more about numbers several question started to bug my mind,like what exactly the number 0 (zero) represents, why can’t I perform all the mathematical operations on zero, which I perform on other numbers, for example, dividing the number by itself. I don’t know what exactly the result should be if zero is divided by zero.

Another such number is Infinity.May be its not even a number, but then what exactly Infinity represents to. May be I can think of a number for Infinity; how about the total number the smallest particle, that can exist on its own, in the whole universe. To me it makes at-least to some extant. But then the question arises of the number represented by negative Infinity.What could the negative Infinity represent. Again I rest my case.

As I read further I came across several other numbers like what exactly the 1/3 tells us.0.3333333…... so on. In computers and even in scientific calculations such numbers are sometimes rounded to some value beyond which there number has negligible effect on the calculation. Similarly, the concept of imaginary numbers also occupied some space in my mind.

And then I came across several mathematical constants like the Pythagoras’ constant √2, the Euler’s number e, and the most talked one: Archimedes’ constant π. I am sure every one has had an encounter with these numbers. It is the constant π which took a lot of attention of mine. A fun fact about several mathematical constants is that they do not even have an exact value; for example, the exact value of π has not derived yet. The value of π has been calculated to several hundreds of thousands of decimal places, but no exact value has been derived so far.  Although, there are several mathematical formulas present to to calculate this constant, none of them has been able to give some exact value. All the mathematician and scientists do is just use its value up to a significant position.

Now, when I look back on to these numbers and try to find the exact values for them, it looks like I am trying to square a circle. My mind then forces me to think whether the numbers that we use are enough to represent everything. May be not. May be there is a need of another set of numbers which can accommodate all these mathematical constants. It might be possible to have a number which can represent the 100% exact value of π. May be there is some value which can help derive the 1/3 of every number. May be there is something more to the number zero which we have not been able to find so far. Surely, there can be(and a need too for) a whole new concept of new number system other than the decimals or binary or hexadecimals, which can help providing solutions to these unsolved questions.

 

P.S.: Here is an interesting relation between the constant √2 and a normal A4 size paper which we use for normal printing:

The lengths of sides of a full A4 size paper have a ratio of √2. Now if you fold the paper from the middle of the longer side, the resulting sides are still in the ratio of √2 and it continues.

When the Middle Finger and the Thumbs Down were locked out

mr

So here is how the situation goes:

One day the Middle Finger and the Thumbs Down were accidentally locked in a room. Tried everything to get out of the room but no help. Frustrated, tensed, and abject. They found themselves all alone with nobody around.  Thinking of their ego and superiority over each other none of the two was ready to work out for a solution or a way to get out of the room. Eventually fell into a spat accusing each other for the situation and finally, they agreed to have a conversation about their superiority and the less superior will have to look for the solution.

Below are some portions of that conversation. Now some of the readers might ask if they were alone, how did I manage to hear their conversation!! Well, if you have read the above lines carefully you should notice that “They found themselves all alone”, which doesn’t imply they were actually alone. I was just wandering there with my friends and happened to listen their talk. So just don’t ever lose your hope or you will find no way out of the problem. Also I tried to use short version of their names, so here is how I will be referring them:

MidF for Middle Finger and TDow for Thumbs Down

Now here is the conversation:

MidF: I am the new favourite of the world and you are just an outdated and OLD guy of which nobody even thinks. How are you superior to me? What have you got that I don’t have?

TDow: Well, you just said that by your self.

MidF: What did I say that makes you better than me?

TDow: You just said OLD guy.

MidF: Yes I said that, so what? How does that make you better?

TDow: Well, my friend, I accept I am OLD, but don’t you think being old means I am used by large number of people and that too for a long time span, which eventually makes me more experienced. Don’t you think so?

MidF: Aaaaah(what have I done)!!!! Okay fine, I accept you are more experienced. But do you know I am one of the most rapidly spreading gesture to show “dislike of ones actions or thoughts”.

TDow: True my friend, you are surely among the most rapidly gestures being used these days, but!!!.

MidF: But!!!! But what.

TDow: But, does it ever bother you about what the other person thinks about the person(using your gesture)?

MidF: Why should I care about what other person is thinking.

TDow: Exactly. You Don’t CARE. Lets me rephrase it for you a little “You are careless about others feelings”. This can lead to bad relations between people and sometimes even ruin them.

MidF: Aaaaah(again I did it again)!!!! So what??? What about you? What do you do to care about others feelings?

TDow: Not much. Showing a “thumb down” makes the person think a little about their action. For example, What was the reason that people didn’t like my act or speech?. 

MidF: Is that all you have got or do you have something else to add?

TDow: Nothing much, as I said “thumbs down” does not hurt others feeling, its not provocative to be displayed in public, unlike You(Middle Finger) my friend, who can be interpreted as provocative and vulgar by general public and cause a big chaos.

MidF: Okay Fine Fine….. I accept all these charges on me, but my friend don’t forget there is always another side of the coin.

 

To be continued….

JavaScript Programmer ? Do you also ignore semicolon?

A little story of two JS Programmers ==> Alice and Bob

Bob: Hey Alice. You know what, I have learned JavaScript very well. It’s very easy and fun.

Alice: Good, but you still need to be careful while writing you JS program.

Bob: Are you kidding me ? Careful with JavaScript? Several times I escape putting the semicolons at the end of the statement and you know it still works like charm.

Alice: You must be kidding. You shouldn’t forget to put the semicolon after the statement.

Bob: I am serious, who wants to put that reoccurring and irritating semicolon.

Alice: Of course JS ignores such things at several places, BUT  it doesn’t mean you should abuse this behavior.

Bob: Why not? I can do the following and it works perfectly fine:

    console.log("Hello! I missed the semicolon.")
    console.log("Hello! I missed the semicolon too.")
Output:
    Hello! I missed the semicolon.
    Hello! I missed the semicolon too.

What harm does it do?

Alice: Well, I think nothing till now. Bob can you do me a favor? Can you just put both the statements in the same line as it is?

Bob: Sure!

    console.log("Hello! I missed the semicolon.") console.log("Hello! I missed the semicolon too.")

Output:

    SyntaxError: Unexpected identifier

Bob: What!!!!!!!!!??????????
Bob: But wait, putting two statements in the same line is itself not good.
Alice: Fine(probably he doesn’t know about minification). Ok tell me the purpose of this code:

    +("233434");

Bob: Its just a way to convert the string to number.
Alice: Exactly. Now what do you expect from of the following code written in your style:

    var a = 0
    var b = 1
    +("23456")

Bob: Its too straight forward: 0 is assigned to variable “a” and the value 1 is assigned to the variable “b”.
Alice: Are you sure?
Bob: Wait ! Wait ! Wait ! Wait !. Oh I see the problem.
Bob: Hmmmm! You are right I shouldn’t miss my best friend semicolon.